Tuesday, 4 March 2014

I Dick Tate my blog on Google Dogs

I'm a pretty bad typist - quick-ish with two fingers. I've often considered voice-to-text software but through a combination of meanness and nasty rumour have never got around to giving the idea any serious thought. Reading somewhere online today that Google are preparing to release voice recognition to Google Docs for desktop - my word processor of choice these days - I decided to try writing a blog post using my phone...


The first time I ever laughed out loud at a computer interpretation of written language was at the expense of a colleague, Gooderham by name. Word gave her surname the now familiar wavy red underlining so I decided to check how Microsoft thought it should be spelled. I was, I'm ashamed to say, delighted to see that its best suggestion was Gonorrhoea. 

Since then stories of web filters that supposedly refused posts from Scunthorpe have swelled ever-growing store of tales of computer stupidity. I've avoided using it on my Google maps satnav too as the likes of, the now infamous, Shellow Bowells would certainly give voice recognition a run for its money. 


At first I thought I might try copying and pasting as-was, but it soon became clear this could be a little unfair on you, dear reader. So what follows is a somewhat edited version of my voice recording with some of the more 'interesting' errors transcribed at the bottom of the text.


Hi, there's a first time for everything. For the first time i am using the voice recognition function on my phone to dictate this blog post. Warts* and all . Despite my advanced age I am still capable of being surprised and delighted by new developments. This one in particular is using my phone to write a blog post.  Whilst apparently my phone has been capable of using voice recognition to type into google docs* for a long while I had not fully realised this, as I rarely use my phone to input text.to write tat all. My sight is too poor and my thumbs too fat*. It it isn't perfect as you can see but it's really not at all bad.. I am testing out the ability how to punctuate and stuff like that. Full stops are easy - just remember Americans call them periods. It is seriously weird to speak into one's phone and see the words appearing on the screen of your laptop. Weird but delightful*.


  • Waltz - though to be fair it changed waltz to warts when I added 'and all'
  • ange scary harker hello leah hanna - I can't remember what my wife actually said when I waved my phone under her nose ... but it wasn't this
  • dogs
  • My eyes are 2 paul or anne my hermes are fat. Really struggled with the word poor 
  • the light fault
Was it a coincidence that sawed my left index finger this afternoon working in the garden? 
Do that again and I could be using it a lot.